Time Management

Time flows, runs, drags, stops, blinks - and I'm caught in the middle like a helpless fly on its back. That buzzing sound? It's me, trying to wing my way back on top of life.

Not that I'm not getting anything done, because every day I seem to work, eat, sleep, and work some more. But I can't escape the feeling that I'm just running around in these absurd little circles, made all the more bizarre by the fact that I understand only a tiny fraction of what's going on around me. I blame my apparent inability to DO on everything from my host-family living situation to my lack of language skills, from my definite amateur status as a teacher and organizer to a steady winter diet of potatoes, eggs, bread, and chocolate. If I only had some vegetables to eat, I'd be fine!

But ideas are forming, that's true. The slow drip in the cavern of my mind is starting to create delicate little stalactites clinging from the rafters, inching their way into the space of my daily routine. I've just got to let go and not touch, just let myself trust in the process that I've started. To tell myself: these ideas will continue and grow and someday sparkle in fruition.

I just need to believe the whole thing won't cave in before that happens.

Time Management, Part II

Today was a blast of bright sunshine. I was running late this morning, as usual. A recurring theme in my life. I've been pretty good about managing this tendency up until the last few weeks, when a vague seasonal/situational lack of zest has overcome my senses. The snooze button is all too comforting a friend, so I end up rushing when I could have been strolling, stopping to smell the...chickens, as it is here.

Anyway, this morning was lovely, despite my lateness-induced semipanic. The sun was high and the sky was blue, and not only that, I was wearing my brand new Ukrainian suit and sure to get plenty of compliments when I got to school. I looked sharp, as only Ukrainian women can: a short, pleated skirt and matching petite jacket, hooked up with incredible Ukrainian pantyhose. Seriously, I have never enjoyed wearing hose until today. The top has an extra-wide band so it doesn't pinch or roll. They were sheer yet thick. Supportive without cutting off any circulation. They didn't fall down or scrunch. I actually felt feminine. I imagined my legs were the legs of a supermodel. Killer gams. It helped me with the power walk, as I tried to cover 30 minutes in 20.

I was a mere three speed-walking minutes away from school at 10:26 when I ran into my director. Blast - my luck! She was headed the other way to the center of town. She stopped me in my tracks, gently grabbing my hands with her soft, grandmotherly ones. She shook them with each congratulatory phrase, declaring the holiday a perfect day, a happy day, full of love and happiness. "To the holiday!" she crowed, pleased as punch. I felt comforted by her cheer and good natured words, as always tinged with the tiniest bit of something mischievous, but I felt guilty, too, and wanted to run as fast as I could to get to school by half-past 10.

Not so fast. A few steps behind her, on their way to school, was a pretty blond teacher and the school librarian. They stopped, turning back, when they heard Lyudmila talking to me, and appropriated me for the rest of the walk to school. "I'm late," I desperately intoned, smiling and trying not to look too worried. "So am I!" trilled the teacher. The librarian joined in her light, easy laughter. As the ladies had hemmed me in on either side and were solicitously asking me simple questions appropriate to my childlike language skills, I felt trapped in the sticky Ukrainian honey of time and its management. In the end, I made it to school at 10:32.

Late or not late, it doesn't seem to matter. In the long run, as several of my students have written in their journals, life is for living. Seize the day. Live the moment. Don't worry about it. And anyway, as my teacher friend explained, "The students are late, too. And they'll probably like it!" Be a little bit naughty, her sparkling eyes said. The weather is good. We are young, and healthy. We only get this chance once.